Tagalog Jokes

i find it amusing to laugh nang mag-isa.. lolz! and many times i'd also find myself smiling nang mag-isa.. and, mas natatawa ako sa jokes if i read them one by one than to those jokes being told to me by friends and speakers.. just read the tagalog jokes below and it's up to you if matatawa ka o hindi.. ^_*

FACELIFT
> Pasyente ... magkano ang facelift?
> Doktora ... complete treatment ay P145,000
> Pasyente ... mahal!!! ano bang pinakamurang treatment para
> magmukha
> akong bata?
> Doktora ... heto tsupon, P20 lang!!

ORDER
> Customer ... waiter! bakit ang tagal ng order ko? ilan ang
> cook nyo
> dito?
> Waiter ... ay, sir, wala pu kame cuk dito...pipse lang.
> pipse!!

PROBLEMA NGA
> Pasyente ... Doc, may problema ako...tuwing alas otso ng
> umaga dumudumi
> ako...
> Doktor ... so, anong problema doon?
> Pasyente ... Eh alas nuwebe po ako nagigising.

CUSTOMER
> A man was carrying 3 babies in a train.
> Lady sitting next asked, 'are they your babies?'
> Man: 'No, I work in a condom factory and these are
> customer complaints!'

ACCIDENT
> A lawyer driving on a highway notices a crowd in an
> intersection.
> With his urge to get into the thick crowd and see the
> action, he
> shouted,
> 'I'M THE SON OF THE VICTIM.'
> Upon hearing, the people made way for him to get through.
> There he saw, bloody and helpless lying in front of the
> people...a pig
> bumped by a trailer truck!

PINTURA
> Erap ... Honey, nagpintura ako ng banyo.
> Loi ... Bakit dalawa ang suot mong jacket, ang init, init
> !!!
> Erap ... Sabi kasi sa label, for best results put on 2
> coats.

MANNY PAKYAW
> Reporter ... Manny, anong bill ang gagawin mo kapag
> congressman ka na?
> Manny ... Ano'ng bill? yung tomotonog pagkatapos ng
> bawa't round sa
> bukseng?

HIWALAYAN
> Wife ... maghiwalay na tayo!
> Man ... ok! akin ang bahay!
> Wife ... Akin ang farm!
> Man ... Akin ang kotse!
> Wife ... Wag mo isama driver, matagal ng akin yan.
> Man ... Magkakamatayan tayo! Akin siya!

ILOCANO NGA
> Mrs. Tanoy is a very kuripot Ilocana. When her husband
> died, she
> inquired with the newspaper, asking the price for the
> obituary.
> The ad taker said: '300 pesos for 5 words.'
> She said: 'Pwede ba 2 words lang? 'Tanoy
> dead' '
> Ad taker: 'No mam. 5 words is the minimum.'
> After thinking for a while, Mrs. Tanoy said: 'Ok,
> para sulit, ilagay
> mo,
> 'TANOY DEAD, TOYOTA FOR SALE '

COMMOM SENSE
> Boy: 'Nay, anong ulam natin?
> Nanay: Tignan mo na lang dyan sa ref, anak.
> Boy: Eh wala naman tayong ref, di ba?
> Nanay: O, e di wala tayong ulam. Konting common sense
> naman dyan!

GASTOS
> Caloy: Tay ,di ba sabi mo bibigyan mo 'ko ng P100 pag
> pumasa ako sa
> Math?
> Tatay: Oo. Bakit, pumasa ka ba?
> Caloy: Gud news, tay! Di ka na gagastos ng P100.

ONE WAY
> Kano (trying to speak Tagalog): Meg-kanow isang kilow
> mang-gow?
> Tindero: One way.
> Kano : Meg-kanow?
> Tindero: I sed ONE WAY.
> Kano : Aynowng ibig sabeyhin ng one way?
> Tindero: Isang daan. Understang?!

ISPELING
> MMDA (with pen and ticket to a traffic violator): Name?
> Foreigner Driver: Wilhelm Von Corgrinski Papakovitz.
> MMDA: Ahhh okay...(sabay tago ticket)...Next time be
> careful, ok?

BEEP-BEEP
> BF: Sunduin kita mamaya, ha? Bubusina na lang ako pag nasa
> harap na 'ko
> ng bahay n'yo.
> GF: Sige. Anong sasakyan ang dala mo?
> BF: Wala. Busina lang...

NOT APPLICABLE
> (Nag-aapply si Tomas na security guard...)
> Interviewer: Ang kailangan namin ay taong laging
> may suspicious mind, highly alert, insistent
> personality, strong sense of hearing with a killer
> instinct. Sa tingin mo ba qualified ka?
> Tomas: Sa palagay ko po hindi. Pwede po bang yun
> misis ko na lang ang mag-apply?

PRONUNCIATION
> Junior: 'Nay, bibili ako ng HIGH CAKE.
> Nanay: Hindi 'high cake', anak - HOT CAKE
> 'yun.
> Junior: Ok 'nay, whatever. Pahingi na lang ng pera.
> Nanay: Sige, kumuha ka na lang d'yan sa SOLDIER BAG
> ko.